TO TELL OR NOT TO TELL, OF YOUR EXES AND SEX.

Once in Zapatia, the land of Trea, idleness and hunger guided my feet back to a bakery where marital bliss fell like sugar and cinnamon into the dough creating in each pastry a culinary Shangri-la. On this day, as always was not how it was, because I took bite after bite and my taste buds did not die and to heaven ascend. So I turned to Ol’ Zacharia and his wife and inquired as to why no angels sang in my mouth.

‘I mixed the dough as always’ said pretty Mrs and Mr retorted snidely ‘how would I know’ with a hint of tears she said ‘Zach be reasonable’ and he said ‘you have lied to me before’.

And needn’t more they had to say, because I could tell at once what ingredient was missing, they where fresh out of marital bliss. So with hope that tomorrow, heaven’s pastries I might taste, I sat them down to hear there tale.

You see she had married him only because his hands he stole from the baking gods and him her for no other reason than it felt right. On their 3^rd date as he wooed her with some cookies he had baked, she told him she had been with only one. On their 3^rd decade of marital bliss, she told him there had been ten before that one. Now Zacharia was mad beyond return and she could not see why, after all it was in the past and it should matter nought. So they turned to me for my wisdom to bestow, and though tempted to side with the wife for selfish sake of future culinary delights, I knew then that to heaven my taste buds would never return, for Zacharia was right and his lying wife was wrong.

‘Why didn’t you say then, on your 3^rd date, that a football team you could have turned out?’ I inquired and she replied ‘for the same reason I should not have said now, for there was a chance, unreasonable as Zacharia is now as then, that he would not have stayed.’

I could see where her reasoning came from, but she could not see the selfishness inherent, because you see it was not her choice to make; it should have been Zacharia’s. You see without that choice to make, it felt right for Ol’ Zacharia and he married her for nothing else. 30 years of bliss could not change the fact that she had hoodwinked him into marriage, conned him as he would have her, if those cookies had been store bought on that date all those years ago. Unreasonable or not, he wanted what he wanted and an experienced lady it was not, just as she wanted a baker and not a cookie purchaser. Yes, Ol’ Zacharia in my mind had grounds for an annulment let alone a divorce.

I was burdened with sorrow when I left, because I knew my future held no more celestial baked delights, but not too sad, for there was hope yet that a pretty ex baker’s wife might consider me for her baker’s dozen.

The Lie

Everything else was filed in his subconscious, that radio hum and that something else. All he heard was the reason he called, that soothing and beguiling voice, that calming and enthralling influence. Like petals, light and airy, her words fell, voicing an excuse in a blanket of ‘baby’s.

 

‘Baby, I am taking a walk, baby, can not talk right now, baby, I will call you when I get home, baby…’

 

His itch scratched he retired to bed. With a smile on his face his conscious bade him farewell, with his eyes closed his subconscious came to play. A walk in the middle of the night? So how come you heard the radio play? That something else was bated breath and all those ‘baby’s were uttered in guile.

 

With a start he awoke, bruised and battered where the petals fell.